Passing acquaintances

Despite the challenges, I love my job.  And when something gets difficult, or doesn’t go right, I have some good people inside and outside work that I can talk to.  However, when I tell people I have trouble with kids reading my gender, they don’t get it.  Everyone I know (and most of them are queer) know me as female and can not fathom that other people struggle with it.

They have the best of intentions – they see me as someone they care about who has a rough time over something they can’t see.  So they dismiss it, tell me I look feminine (not really the answer I’m after) or laugh it off (sometimes it’s a good laugh, I’ll admit).  Anyway, without a queer/butch/etc community in a similar context, it’s hard to find solace.  I don’t know many gender non-conformists, and the ones I do are transmen, who pass, or it is their intention. 

I don’t really want to pass.  I want to be read as female, just not the female you think.  The initial confusion, the embarrassment that leads to them or me feeling humiliated…it’s boring and frustrating.  It’s like coming out ALL the time, even when you don't actually have anything to do with the person you’re ‘coming out to’.